The thing about pre-date texting is that it’s surprisingly critical when starting things off. I’ve heard so many stories from women where the guy has a chance but ruins it with pre-date texting.
It’s either too much, ridiculously over the top, or not enough. It’s hard to find the sweet spot so that way you (1) don’t ruin your chances of getting on those initial dates and (2) effectively communicate that you’re a stellar and stand-up guy.
This is where guys get lost but not you! Because you’re taking the time to learn this important material so it can save you time in the search.
The key here is to mirror her level of interest. If I’m scrolling through your text conversation, I’d want to see a similar back and forth. If she sends four lines worth of text, you do the same. It doesn’t have to be exact but enough to where you’re not putting more effort than she is and also not letting the conversation die with little to no response.
The same principle applies with questions and reply time. Does she end her message (usually in response to your question) and ask a question back? Great! Answer that and ask another question. Do not ask 3 or more questions if she asked just one. This is not 20 questions and it’s not an interrogation. Play it cool by showing reciprocal interest.
If she generally replies to text after 4-5 hours, give it 3-4 hours to respond. This doesn’t have to happen every time but match her speed enough so that way you’re not putting pressure on her to respond every time. This also lets the ball stay in your court for a little bit while she waits and wonders what you’ll say back. It’s add some level of curiosity in this courtship dance.
Now, let’s say you’re on mutual and you matched with a woman (regardless of who swiped up last), who should message first? Or let’s say you swapped numbers with a fine looking hotty at a dance, who messages first?
This one is an easy one. ALWAYS YOU.
You’re the man in the relationship! Based on cultural norms she will be waiting for you to send the first text.
So what should you say? It really depends. But the formula for the first text is as follows:
Greeting + Sentence + Question = 🥰
It’s simple yet effective and it doesn’t leave too much room for error. If you swapped number, like might look something like “Hi Mary, it was great to meet you yesterday. How has your day been?”. Or if you matched on mutual, “Hey Mary, I love Nickelback too! What’s your favorite song?”.
Remember, it doesn’t have to be exactly what I mentioned but stick to the formula and play things safe early on. What you do can give the wrong impression before the first date and we don’t want that! You’re a stellar guy and we need to make sure she knows it without being cocky.
Now, what if she doesn’t respond back with a question? Think like a mirror and reflect once or twice especially if it’s early on. It’s a game of give and take where she needs to put in effort into texting as well. And if she’s not interested, then listen to my good friend Ariana and say “thank you, next”.
Not literally by the way…
Let’s fast forward a bit to after you asked her on a date (not over text). Two things you need to do to make sure she’s informed and you’re prepared.
One thing you should never do is have her come up with the idea on what you guys should do on the date.
You’re asking her, buddy! It’s on you to (1) get a feeler on what she enjoys doing or what she might enjoy given what you know about her thus far, and (2) come up with 1-2 options to decide. It’s okay to bring two options to the table and ask which she prefers in some instances but do not leave all the work for her to brainstorm and decide.
One fun little game I loved playing over text was a quick get to know you game that helped me determine the type of person she was so I can find activities that she might enjoy.
After she’s already agreed to a date, let her know you’d like to ask a few questions to help you decide on the activity for the first date.
Then, ask a few multiple choice questions, one at a time, like “what’s your favorite way to spend an evening?Reading a good book, being outside, or at a concert”. That sort of thing.
During this game I give a pass if she doesn’t ask the question back since it’s a short game. My response back includes an acknowledgement of her answer like “oh that’s cool” or “I wouldn’t have guessed that” and then my answer to the question.
This sort of thing lasts 3-4 questions and then I end it with “great! This helps a ton” or something of that sort and return to the conversation like normal.
In order to keep her informed so she can adequately dress, make sure to let her know the activity about 24 hours in advance.
Got it? Good. You’re ready to go.
As you’re texting back and forth with women you might be wondering, is she really into me? And the answer I would give you is “who cares?!”. If she’s not into you then remember the famous word of Ariana Grande mentioned earlier. And if you’re not sure then keep going under the assumption that she is until she says otherwise.
Keeping that mentality will keep you confident from beginning to end.
RealTalk 